Bid Whist with Magic

So I got the following email:

"Come out on Friday, December 10, 2010 at 7:00 p.m. to play bid whist with us!  Our special guest for the evening will be Earvin “Magic” Johnson!  We will be at Gregory’s Ice and Smoke, 2610 N. Martin Luther King Blvd., Lansing, MI. There will be live music, kitchen will be open as well as the bar!"  Playing cards with Magic sounds cool, but what the heck is bid whist?

I google'd it and found at http://www.pagat.com/boston/bidwhist.html that: "Bid Whist is a partnership trick-taking game that is very popular among African Americans. It is played with a standard 52 card deck plus 2 jokers, for a total of 54 cards. The two jokers must be distinct: one is called the big joker and the other is the little joker. There are 4 players consisting of two teams of two; each player sits opposite their partner. The game starts with each team at zero, and the object of the game is to reach a score 7 or more points, or force the other team to go negative 7 or more points. Points are scored by bidding for and winning tricks, which in this game are called books."  I have never played a card game with jokers it sounds intriguing.

I printed out the rules and we'll have to give it a try.  A couple nights ago I was playing a Michigan standby, Euchre.  I think the next time we are together I'll suggest we give bid whist a try.  Not sure I'll get the hang of it in time to play with Magic though. 

copyright:  Bloomberg Business Week

Google's art today celebrates the Anniversary of Rosa Parks decision not to give up her seat on the bus.

 I love Google's celebration art for Rosa Park's Bus Boycott remembrance.  I will always remember the day I met Rosa Parks.  It was at a screening of the Emmett Till movie "Eyes on the Prize," at Wayne State University in 1988.  She had an incredible presence.  Thanks Google.

"Borics can't cut a black man's hair."

"Borics can't cut a black man's hair,"  said Jacob as we left the shop after having asked the cutter to "line it" and she gave him a blank stare.  We had 45 minutes to get a cut during his lunch period so that he would look prim and proper on Thanksgiving.  The sit downs at Barber Love - an African American and Mexican American Barbershop that I've been taking Jake to since he was four years old -  were too many; so I figured we could get it trimmed at a commercial joint knowing they would leave it rough along the forehead.  I thought it was our lucky day when I saw an African American cutter come out of the back and head to the front.  I stood near the register eager to answer yes when she asked to if we wanted a cut.  To my chagrin she addressed a young white guy sitting in the corner when she said, "Next?"  Rats.  Instead of her, a middle aged white cutter came out and asked, "Next?"  Reluctantly, I stood our ground making sure she picked us and not the cute younger Chinese boy who came in immediately behind us.  We were under a strict time frame which was getting smaller by the minute.  The Chinese boy reminded me of the diversity of our great melting pot, and gave my hope a bump that Jake would come out with a decent cut.  As I waited a variety or people entered making the waiting area look like the Grand Central stop at 42nd and Lexington Avenue near the UN Headquarters. They couldn't all becoming just for the low price, surely some were here for the "do."  Though on closer inspection. . . 

Jake's cutter did a nice job, until he looked at her like something was wrong.  Seeing this, I stepped up to ask her to, "line it up."  That was when we met the stare.   I thought to myself look at all these people waiting, don't they all have cultural needs to their styles?  They can't all get the exact same hair cut.    Jake couldn't have been the first African American young man to make the wrong turn and open their door.  Comforting to us, she told us she'd "try her best."   Jake got out of the chair and we paid and tipped her - she did get it cut quickly - and left the shop.  That was when Jake made his observation, "Borics can't cut a black man's hair," to which he added that, "at least they didn't draw blood;" which sometimes happens at Barber Love's.

Later I relayed the story to another white father of an African American child and he said to me,"It's Borics they can't cut a white man's hair either."  To which I said," Perhaps Borics simply is the McDonalds of the hair cutting world?"  My friend simply responded, "Duh!"

The silver lining of this story is that Jacob knows what he likes in a cut and knows what looks good on him as a young African American man.  As a father looking around and seeing all the young white boys wearing their straight hair down to their shoulders, as if I were flipping through my own seventies photo album, and seeing many African American boys wearing Afros just like, Dwayne Nelson from What's Happening - (Hey! Hey ! Hey !), I am thankful Jacob has chosen the short and neat approach to style.  He tried a six month attempt at growing it out last year which resulted in his mother and Aunts and many of his friend's mothers saying how adorable he looked.  Soon after hearing this he abandoned it.

Can I instill too much black pride?

Can I go too far in instilling black pride in my young black man? I knew he was just having some fun when at the end of school last year, he enlisted two of his friends to join him in the black power salute ala Tommy Smith at the 1968 Olympics as they lowered the school flag for the summer. But at a recent campfire, with an older African American boy present, I heard Jacob indicate that only black people could do something - not sure what the something was. Some of my early writings which can be found here discuss how we have attempted through various pathways to inject a sense of pride in being black for both of our children. Just wondering if I went too far with Jacob, though I am delighted that he is very comfortable being a young black man. I'm sure I didn't - it is interesting to see how those roots we planted 6,7,8 years ago are shooting into a strong sapling.

.

What's Cooking?

Andria and I stumbled on to What's Cooking, a multi-cultural Thanksgiving Movie made in 2000 which stars among many Dennis Haysbert (I couldn't help but think of buying Allstate Insurance every time he spoke). Among the many things that struck me was the insistence of an African American Grandma on including Mac and Cheese in the holiday menu because it was traditional for their family. I realize whatever our menu for our children is will be their tradition, so I'm thinking of adding Mac and Cheese which wasn't traditional for Andria and I but might be a nice addition to our multicultural family Thanksgiving Dinner.

East Lansing parents of African American children

Dear Parents of African American children,

I hope that the school year is off to a good start for you and your children.  The Achievement Gap Project is now in its third year.  While data collection is still underway, the school district has moved forward with efforts to move from "the problem space" to "the solution space."  In that vein, one of the recommendations of the 18-month project report was for the district to develop a Task Force focused on maximizing the achievement potential of African American students and low-income students in the district.  In doing so, the achievement potential of all students will be maximized.  The Task Force is underway and working diligently.  There is a link on the District website for the Achievement Gap Task Force.  Please check it out!

My work as a consultant to the district continues as I assist with Task Force initiatives and continue collecting data for the district.  It is very important that student voices are captured and integrated into any initiatives related to the achievement gap.  Last spring, a survey was administered to all students at the high school about their schooling experiences.  This data is still being analyzed (there are approximately 800 surveys), but I suspect that results will illuminate some interesting themes about how students perceive their schooling experiences in the district and at the high school.  I plan to administer a similar survey in January to students at the middle school and possibly at Glencairn and Whitehills.

While I have given you a brief update on what's going on right now, I'd like to solicit your help with allowing your children to participate in student focus groups this year.  For many of you, I already have consent forms for your children to participate in focus groups.  If you need a consent form for your child, or you know a parent who does, please have them to contact me ASAP at dcarter@msu.edu.  It is very important that I interview African American students across achievement levels (low, average, high) to provide a robust perspective of the district).  I will be conducting initial student focus groups for this school year on the following dates.  Please email Carleen Cary at carleen.carey@gmail.com to sign your child(ren) up for one of the focus groups.  Please note the age groups for each date below.  All focus groups are being held on the Timberlane Campus (the district office) in Conference Room A.

Thursday, October 28th (grades 7-12)Thursday, November 11th (grades 7-12)Thursday, November 18th (grades 4-6)

-- Dorinda J. Carter Andrews, Ed.D.Assistant ProfessorDepartment of Teacher Education358 Erickson HallEast Lansing, MI 48824(517) 432-2070 (office)(517) 432-5092 (fax)

Why don't I look like you - Book Signing in Toledo

Time Saturday, November 6 · 2:00pm - 5:00pm

Location My Brother's Place Restuarant316 Adams St,

2nd Floor of Trinity Episcopal Church, Toledo,OH

Created By Kevin Hofmann

http://www.kevinhofmann.com/

More Info Three Adoptees/Authors(Rhonda Roorda, Ola Zuri, & Kevin Hofmann)

discuss their experiences with adoption, followed by a dessert reception, and book signing. 

Cost:$10.00 to benefit Adopt America NetworkFor Reservations,

contact Adopt America Network @ 1-800-246-1731

"I love my hair" and "I whip my hair back and forth"

Some great hair videos have surfaced recently.


















My six year old daughter's favorite is "I Love My Hair."

Would you like more crackers?

In celebration of my son's birthday, I'll share a slice of his humor. The other day we were at a restaurant and the waiter asked if we wanted more crackers. I said no, but, after he left, Jacob puts his arms around Andria and I and says, "I have all the Crackers I need."

There is certainly a debate in the African American community about the use of this word

Jacob and I think this young man is pretty remarkable despite that some people may argue that owning a word diffuses it original meaning.  What do you think?

Transracial Adoption: a family's experience and advice to those considering adopting transracially

Thanks Erica and Kevin for pointing this video out.

Kevin Hoffman's new Electronic Press Kit

Here is the link to youtube for an unobstructed view.

Negro Leagues Baseball Stamps now available

Negro Leagues Baseball $0.44 stamps now available at the USPS.

Why does it have to be a white guy?

I always cringe when I'm walking or riding bikes with Antonia and Jacob and we come to a cross walk and I have to tell them to wait until the red hand turns to the white guy. Couldn't the person be blue?

11th Annual African American Parade and Family Heritage Festival - Lansing, Michigan

Our family has made the African America Parade a staple for ten of the eleven years that it has been in existence.  It is held at the hottest time of the year.  It attracts politicians with candy which is what Jacob and Antonia appreciate.  For a group that is at high risk for diabetes this never seems like a smart move. It hosts a couple of high school bands which always seems to be their pared down summer version. They do step and make a joyful noise. Local youth dance troops are a hit with our family.  The parade attracts few spectators.  It always holds the promise of something more.  Despite this, we believe in Reverend Murphy's vision and will attend next Saturday.  The parade celebrates African American heritage in Mid-Michigan. We find it to be just one of many ways to continue to develop pride in our family's heritage. The various options of ribs and soul food at the festival which follows definitely makes it worth it. Let me know if you would like to meet up.


--------

Our Founder, Rev., Dr. Michael C. Murphy


Welcome

The Capital City African American Cultural Association, Inc. (CCAACA) is hosting an Old School celebration of the 50’s 60’s 70’s and 80’s . . . Reflecting on Our Past – Advancing into Our Future as we continue to move onward and upward in commemoration of the 11th Annual African American Parade and Family Heritage Festival.

Therefore, we are pleased to invite you to participate in our 11th Annual Parade and Family Heritage Festival, “Celebrating the African Community,” which will be held, at 11:00am on Saturday, August 14, 2010 in downtown Lansing, Michigan.

CCAACA's mission is to provide educational and recreational opportunities for Mid-Michigan citizens to experience African American art, culture, and history.

Our purpose is to showcase the achievements, culture, creativity and diverse talents of African Americans, which are a part of our proud and rich heritage. All parade entries must be consistent with its theme and purpose.

The parade is expected to be a major extravaganza drawing both participants and media coverage from across the country. Thousands of spectators will line the streets of downtown Lansing to watch the parade. Many more will attend the festival at Ferris Park, which will feature music, food, and other fun activities.

You will not want to miss this historic celebration and surrounding festivities, including the “Family Heritage Festival” at Ferris Park. Everyone is welcome!

Organizations and persons requesting information or questions regarding the Parade and Festival are encouraged to call 517-755-6895, write: P.O. Box 13233, Lansing, MI 48901, or contact the appropriate party via e-mail.

Join us in “Celebrating the African American Community.”

45 Years Ago

Erich --


On March 7th, 1965, 600 of us lined up to walk from Selma to Montgomery, to march for voting rights.

When we tried to cross the Edmund Pettus Bridge over the Alabama River, we were met by state troopers. They attacked us with tear gas, bullwhips, and nightsticks.

It became known as Bloody Sunday, and the national outcry over the brutality that day led to the enactment, exactly 45 years ago today, of the Voting Rights Act.

The progress we've made since then is remarkable.

But the expansion of voting rights for millions did not happen overnight. It was the product of a continued struggle, by many people, over many years.

And just as change did not come easily then, it does not come easily now.

Discrimination still exists in America -- its effects can be as harmful as they were decades ago. And we can always become a better, more just society.

Two years ago, this movement -- led by Barack Obama -- brought millions of people into the political process for the first time.

I'm told that many of you are working hard now to get as many as possible of those folks -- and others from across the country who are with us in these fights -- to the polls this year.

It's an important effort, and the legacy of the fight for the Voting Rights Act is that it is not only our right to vote, and to help others do so -- it is our duty.

Can I count on you to help out between now and the elections in November?

When I was a child, I tasted the bitter fruits of racial discrimination -- and I did not like it.

That was what spurred me to act. In those early days, we sacrificed our very selves for our rights as Americans. But we never gave up.

And now barriers that kept an entire people from full participation in this country have been removed.

No longer are people who look like me met with violence when we register to vote
No longer is the idea that an African American could become president just a dream.

We live in a better world, a better country.

But our work is not complete. We cannot wait for someone else to make change.

We must all do it. You must do it. I must do it.

Please sign up to help millions more vote:

http://my.barackobama.com/VolunteerVRA

Thank you,


Representative John Lewis

Devil's Food or Angel Food?

Jake was asking me which had chocolate in it, Devil's Food or Angel Food? I immediately began to discuss the fact that in our historical vernacular whites used language to describe black as evil and that we can find many reference to where black is bad and white is good. I went on to say that to this day these references can affect self esteem and Jake said, "I'm talking about cake, Dad. Why does everything we discuss have to be about race?" I said, "o.k., I understand." But, really it does matter. I also said, "Devil's Food and I definitely love Devil's Food."

I think it is important to have mainstream African American literature at our house

We just received our new edition of Ebony. In addition, to Time, National Geographic and Simthsonian floating around the house we think it is important to have mainstream African American literature available to all of us. My son, definitely purused last month's issue which had Prince, er the musician formerly known as Prince on the cover. It is also a good source of information for Andria and I. If you don't already have a subscription you might want to consider one.

Black Children White Parents had a wonderful and warm reception for Kevin Hofmann, last Thursday at All Saints Church in East Lansing. Over 60 people were in attendance. Thank you Kevin for such a wonderful evening. And, it was wonderful meeting Zion and Shirleeze (I know I'm off on the spelling of your beautiful wife's... name).  We highly recommend booking him and buying the book.

Kevin Hofmann's segment on the Jack Ebbling Show AM 1350 WILS yesterday.

Kevin was on the Jack Ebbling Show yesterday on AM 1350 WILS.  Click on Jack Ebbling Show to here Kevin's portion of the show.  Hope to see you tonight at 7:00, All Saints Episcopal Church, 800 Abbott, East Lansing across from the Hannah Community Center.

ADOPTEE/AUTHOR RELEASES VERY TIMELY MEMOIRS ANSWERING QUESTIONS PARENTS AREN’T ASKING...YET

PRESS RELEASE




Black Children White Parents
1120 Wildwood Dr.
East Lansing, MI 48823

Contact: Erich Ditschman
Phone: 517.648.7764
Email: theriverdude@sbcglobal.net



ADOPTEE/AUTHOR RELEASES VERY TIMELY MEMOIRS ANSWERING QUESTIONS PARENTS AREN’T ASKING...YET

JUNE 10, 2010, BOOK SIGNING AND SPEAKING EVENT AT ALL SAINTS EPISCOPAL CHURCH, 800 ABBOT RD., EAST LANSING, MICHIGAN

EAST LANSING MICHIGAN---Madonna did it, Brad and Angelina did it, Tom and Nicole did it, and most recently Sandra Bullock did it. It seems the designer thing to do in Hollywood is adopt children of color and no one really explores the affect on the child…until now.

Kevin Hofmann, local author of Growing Up Black In White (growingupblackinwhite.com) shares his experiences as a transracial adoptee. As an adult, he retraces his life as a biracial child who was adopted by a white minister, his wife and their three biological children in Detroit in 1967 just a few months after the riots. His unique insight in to the affects of white parents raising a child of color is not only timely but inspiring. Mr. Hofmann gives us a much needed account of what his parents got right and what they could have done better to help him gain his racial identity.

This event is sponsored by http://blackchildrenwhiteparents.blogspot.com/, All Saints Episcopal Church and the East Lansing Writers Forum, The event is free of charge with a coffee, tea and dessert book signing reception following Mr.Hofmann's talk. Donations will be requested to help defray our speakers cost. Any donations over the costs will be donated to the Black Child and Family Institute(http://www.bcfi.org/home/index.php) located in Lansing and serving the Mid Michigan Community.

Contact: Erich Ditschman
Phone: 517.648.7764

Kevin Hofmann
419-450-5779
TheVineappointmentpublishing@Gmail.com

Black Children White Parents proudly presents Kevin Hofmann, Thursday, June 10 at All Saints Episcopal Church, East Lansing

Black Children White Parents, All Saints Episcopal Church and the East Lansing Writers Forum are excited to welcome Kevin Hofmann, author of the recently published book, Growing Up Black in White to East Lansing on June 10, 2010 at 7:00 pm for an intimate discussion of his new book and signing reception. Proceeds to benefit The Black Child and Family Institute.


About Growing Up Black in White:

When we think about the tumultuous and often ugly decade of the 1960s, we cannot help but think of race riots and political assassinations, civil rights struggles and voting laws that excluded too many Americans. In Growing Up Black in White, author Kevin Hofmann offers another look into these times, one as fraught with fear and danger as with hope and promise. Hofmann was born in Detroit in 1967 to a white mother and black father. At a time when Detroit was a tinder box of racial hatred waiting to explode into flames, the mixed-race baby was quickly placed in foster care and then adopted. The new parents—a white minister and his wife, with three biological children—opened hearts and home to this added member of their family. Hofmann's memoir is not so much about growing up in a white family, but becoming part of a family that learned how to navigate through their community's prejudice and judgment, scorn and even confusion. Ultimately, this is the story of how one young man grew to create his own identity, to learn to feel comfortable in his skin, and how the support of his family encouraged him to be proud of himself…and his race. We are also given a look into a family forced to withstand enormous pressure, and we share Hofmann's often humorous descriptions of how they made it through difficult times. A truly American story of hope, love, and promise, and a gift to every parent and child struggling to create an identity in a transracial life.

About the Author:


Kevin Hofmann is an accomplished writer and public speaker who has a passion for adoption and especially transracial adoption. He is an adoption advocate and enjoys sharing his experiences as a biracial transracial adoptee to help other adoptive families. Hofmann lives with his wife and two sons in Toledo Ohio.

Spooks from Detroit

Ever since I saw CNN's "Black or White: Kids on race" I have been disturbed.  My wife and I weren't surprised by the test results.  We've been living with them for the last ten years as we watch our children interact with others.  The results confirmed why I established Black Children White Parents.  We continually need to develop awareness, sensitivity and skills to ensure that our children grow up to be confident, proud and happy Black adults.  What disturbs me most is that our youth grow up to be adults with their biases amplified unless somewhere along the line they have an opportunity to embrace diversity rather than fear it.  My fear is that these opportunities are seldom seized upon.

An example of subtle racism that we experienced from dear friends is found in Spooks from Detroit.  I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on this essay.  Erich

Spooks from Detroit


Erich Ditschman


copyright 2007


I was recently at a holiday party with some close friends. This is a group of friends whom for the most part I met in middle school. We have stayed close through these many years. We share similar backgrounds having grown up in a working class predominately white neighborhood of a Great Lakes small city. Because of this I wasn't shocked with what I heard at the party, but rather saddened.


One thing that I have learned over the years is that my experiences may change me but they do not necessarily change those around me. I know, it sounds like a simple concept, but when you feel like you've become a better person than who you were - you just seem sure that it must have rubbed off on those that you love. But, I now understand that while I'm having my life changing experiences often times others are having their own life reaffirming experiences.


So there I was at this intimate gathering of four couples and their children ranging in ages from two to twelve. I'm the Godfather to two of the children. This is a tight group. We had wonderful food and exchanged small Christmas gifts with the kids. We cranked up some vintage Gloria Estefan and limboed and played musical chairs.


Later I found myself in a conversation with one of my friends who happens to be a Sheriff's Deputy talking about a dueling piano bar that we had gone to together many years earlier. It had been a birthday party for five of us who happen to have May birthdays. We did a pub crawl in our old home town and had a fabulous time. He mentioned that there had been a number of shootings at the bar in recent months. Until now shootings were unheard of in this downtown. When I asked what seemed to be going on there, he responded, “Spooks from Detroit.” Just to clarify, my friend wasn't talking about the BBC television show or anything else about spies. He was using a derogatory term for African-Americans. And as he said this my two and one-half year old beautiful black princess ran up to me dark curls bouncing and said, “pick me up, Daddy.”


Well at this moment there were many things I thought and many options I had concerning what I would do next. Now having been the father of African-American children for seven years one thing I have learned is to control my emotions. Of course instinctively my first move is to protect my precious children. But I've learned that calling someone a racist asshole just isn't going to help the situation. It certainly won't protect my children nor teach him or her what they will need to flourish in society.


It won't help them in a society that is so wrapped up in the concept of equality that it cannot look past the end of its proverbial nose. The good people of Michigan recently passed Proposal 2 “The Michigan Civil Rights Initiative” which bans "programs that give preferential treatment to groups or individuals based on their race, gender, color, ethnicity or national origin for public employment, education or contracting purposes.” Now I'm no scholar on this issue. My take on it is that of course the good people of Michigan do not think anyone should be given preferential treatment due to the color of one's skin. I'm certain like my friends at the party, most of the good people believe in a just color blind society. They believe that if you work hard, no matter who you are, you can succeed. The protestant work ethic is the backbone of the Midwest.


But what the good people fail to phantom is that the parents of the grandparents of some of my contemporary Michigan residents who are African-American were owned by the parents of the grandparents of my contemporary Michigan Caucasian residents. I understand that Michigan was not as slave owning state but many southerners both black and white migrated here to work in the auto industry. You don't need to be a student of history to appreciate that it is nearly impossible to go from being owned to being the owning class in four short generations without violent revolution. And in the U.S. Case, the violence wasn't in support of revolution rather in subjugation. With the race riots in Detroit a mere 40 some odd years ago, the good people of Michigan want to say we are all the same, “just pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps. Give us all a fair break and things will work out for the best.” To tell my good friend that he is a bigot, while perhaps the first thing to come to my mind, was not the road I chose to take.


My first response was to just pick up my daughter as she requested. My friend's wife was there as I did this and she was again telling me how she thought our daughter was so beautiful. My friend the Sheriff's Deputy smiled as she said this. I know that he agrees. What I quickly realized is that he doesn't see my children for who they are – black children who will become African-American adults. Adults that if he met them late at night at the dueling piano bar without my wife or I present could easily refer to them as “Spooks from Detroit.”


I didn't say anything that night to my friend. I still consider him my friend and this is the conundrum my wife and I have. Whether they be our friends from the old neighborhood or new friends that we've met in liberal East Lansing who also have been found to inject a racial slur in conversation; racism while perhaps subtle is pervasive among the people we come in contact with. While I've never thought of myself as racist I sure own up to racist behavior in my youth. For example I didn't understand where the term came from but when I was young growing up in my predominantly white neighborhood and someone yelled, “nigger pile,” I joined in yelling the same as I dove on top. Now I cringe whenever I hear the term. I discuss more of my own enlightenment in my essay My Babies Have Brown Eyes and Kinky Hair (see earlier post). Subtle or not, I don't think one can be a little racist. Either you are or you are not. But, I do believe one can become enlightened and change as a result.


Perhaps for some this is a no brainer. Jettison the racists. Well in both mine and my wife's case that would mean breaking relationships with a number of relatives as well as many friends. People that we have a unique and tolerant history with. Tolerance is necessary for any successful relationship. For example, we have come to learn to appreciate many of our Republican friend's finer qualities holding them as dear friends despite their political affiliation. But, the roots of racism travel to the core of the human condition. It is much more basic than allowing for differing political views. It is one man looking at another and thinking “you are beneath me because of the color of your skin.” What is often subtextual to this thought is “the color of your skin and the history that is represented by it.”


I do believe that we are able to change our views and as a result our behavior toward others. However, I think often many change their behaviors without having the requite change of view or change of heart. By changing only the behavior one can often convince oneself that being a little racist is alright as long you hide it from those that may be offended. You know, save it for when you are with those that might appreciate a little off-color joke. The recent celebrity racist outbreaks of Michael Richards and Mel Gibson are public examples of how one can't pretend not to be a racist. Given the right stress even the best of actors will unveil what is on the other side of the political incorrect colorblind curtains often drawn tightly by many people of goodwill. In certain situations they will act in response to their true heart.


At the time of my conversation of the shooting at the dueling piano bar, with my daughter held tightly in my arms her brown eyes sparkling and wide mouth full of teeth smile, I felt like I shouldn't have to say anything for it must be plainly obvious to my friend that what he said was incredibly racist. It did occur to me that as a Sheriff's Deputy he may use a diversity of derogatory terms for people conducting criminal behavior. I could easily see it being a coping skill necessary to have to go out every night an put himself in harms way to protect the public. But, even so, it doesn't justify the use of racist terms. There is no place to draw the line, one can't be a little bit racist. However, pointing out the obvious just seemed like a way to ruin what up until then was a spectacular evening. He and his wife were the hosts of the party.


I hope my daughter's timing made it obvious to my friend. Because I know that it wasn't obvious that when I looked over at my seven year old son I was imagining him at twenty-one entering the dueling piano bar late at night for a drink and being seen by one Sheriff's Deputy as a potential target. Being there at the party was all that I offered to hopefully help change one person's view. Being a father to my beautiful African-American children and helping them be the best people they can be is what I can offer as my part in helping to rid society of racism.

OFFICIAL Somewhere over the Rainbow - Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole

And Justice for All at Henry Ford Museum

I accompanied my son Jacob to Greenfield Village and The Henry Ford Museum yesterday with his 5th grade classmates.  The following are photos the Jacob mostly took of the And Justice for All exhibit at the Henry Ford Museum.

Jacob and a friend watch a tribute to Jackie Robinson, #42 narrated by Ernie Harwell and featuring my favorite Tiger - Gates "The Gator" Brown. The boys sat and watched the entire program which is not normal for ten year old boys on a field trip. Considering Ernie just past away, this was a very moving moment for us at the Henry Ford Museum.

Jacob sitting in the exact seat that Rosa Parks sat in.

It is always difficult and moving when I visit exhibits such as this one with my Jacob and Antonia. I remember when we viewed a life sized sculpture of a family of slaves being seperated at the Abraham Lincoln Museum in Springfield and Jacob just started to cry uncontrollably. I feel strongly that these hard lessons while difficult for all of us, help develop Jacob's and Antonia's character and a shared understanding of their and our heritage.

Hair products that a dear friend who celebrates National Afro Day everyday swears by

A deafriend responded to my Rosannadanna post.  She told me that everday is National Afro Day for her and that is took a long time for her to embrace and love her curls.  She encouraged me to continue to teach Antonia that her curls are a wonderful part of who she is.  She also shared a couple of product lines with me.

The Kinky-Curly line of hair products, which has kid products as well (available online and at many Whole Foods stores) as well as "Pur Hair Jelly" by Afroveda - which is my "holy grail" of hair products."

Why does my daughter look like Roseanne Roseannadanna?

I knew something was askew when I saw my daughter Antonia's silhouette through the school bus window as she headed to the exit. Immediately Gilda Radner's beloved Saturday Night Live character, Roseanne Roseannadanna came to mind. Her beautiful long black curls painstakinlgy dressed by her mother after last night's bath appeared to have been zapped by an electric current. Six inch strands of her hair were sticking directly out from the top of her head. The hair was perpendicular to her adorable toothless smiling face as she bounced down the bus steps.



Now, I saw Chris Rock's movie, Good Hair. I've been a father of African American children for more than ten years. I know not to let me daughter out in public looking like she did when she got of the bus. That was not how she looked when I dropped her off at school seven hours earlier.  As she stepped on to the curb she ran to me with open arms and jumped up for me to catch her. I held her in my arms and hesitated to ask her what happened. Before I could fumble for words, she said, “Dad do you like my hair, Finnie straightened it with a fork?”


At that moment I thought, “I've been her before.” Approximately five years earlier I was called to the Marble Elementary Office to be told that my then first grade son had been inappropriately using scissors. I knew he knew how to hold scissors while walking with the point securely clasped in his hand. I wondered, "could have possibly carved his initials in his desk?"  When I got to school I asked Jacob what had happened. He explained that he wanted straight hair like his father and his friends so he cut off his curls. If ever there was an opportunity for a teachable moment, this was it.

I put my anger in check as I asked our Principal if his teacher had asked Jacob why he cut his hair? Not that his reason would condone his action, but that perhaps he should be talking with the school's social worker rather than sitting in the office by himself as punishment. She had not.  I also explained to Jacob that he had beautiful hair and that his hair was just the right hair for him. This was not the first time. We regularly talk with Jacob and Antonia about how their skin, hair and eyes are radiantly beautiful.


This had occurred before we started going to Barber Love, a predominantly African American barbershop. We had be letting his hair grow out before we would get it trimmed by a female hair stylist. At Barber Love, we started getting his hair cut much shorter. The nice tight cut had Jacob looking sharp. The neat thing now, is that as a fifth grader, Jacob on his own decided to grow his curls again. He now has beautiful rings bouncing below his baseball cap. He reports that the girls in his class seem to like it which I can tell is alright with him.


As Antonia and I walk home, knowing the answer, I asked her if she wanted straighten hair like Finnie. To which she says, “yes.” We discuss how absolutely beautiful her hair is and how she cannot let anyone do that to her hair again. She says, “o.k. Dad” and we move on to talking about her latest art project. My feelings are not nearly as concrete with this hair event as they were with Jacob's. I didn't grow up with sisters, but the idea that girls just like to play with each others hair seems natural. I didn't ask and I should off, “did you try to curl Finnie's hair?” I bet the answer would have been yes. However, the messages of Chris Rock's movie also reverberate. That sodium hydroxide used to relax curls can leave permanent injury to the scalp and once hooked on straight hair, women can spend thousands of dollars to keep it that way. Two good reasons for my daughter to love her naturally beautiful hair.


When Jacob gets home he asks his sister what happened to her hair? As she tells him, he looks at me and we both start to laugh.

Kevin Hofmann's Upcoming Memoir and Rhonda Roorda's first book

One of our readers suggested I look at Kevin Hofmann's site which discusses his soon to be published memoir about growing up as an adopted African American in an all white family in Detroit after the riots. It will be published in May. I am working on a book signing/speaking engagement for the greater East Lansing area. Take a look at his blog it is a very worthwhile site. Kevin is a gifted writer.  Also, let me know if you would be interested in attending the book signing/speaking engagement.

Covering a similar time period - 70's and 80's - as Kevin Hofmann's memoir, is Rhonda Roorda's book of profiles of adopted African American children growing up in primarily white households - In Their Own Voices. I recommend reading this book. I read it when we first adopted our son and it has helped my wife and I strive to raise our children to be a strong, kind and confident African American man and woman who are comfortable with their blackness. 

Hi recommend reading Voices especially early in the adoption process. However, I find many differences with the varied stories with my own situation.  For example, closed adoption versus open adoption, white siblings or biological siblings versus black siblings or adopted siblings and level of information available to parents like us now compared to growing up in the 70's or 80's. But I'm sure that is the case with everything - we all have unique situations.  Despite this differences there is much to glean from Rhonda's well researched initial offering.  She has since wrote two additional books - In Their Siblings Voices and In Their Parents Voices which I have yet to read.

Please keep sharing sites and resources that you find and I will continue to share them through the this Blog and its Facebook Page. This is exactly what I hope both to become - conduits for sharing useful information.

Is longer hair less threatening, or am I tilting at windmills?

My son hasn't been to our local barber, Barber Love - an African and Latin American Barber - for over two months. He is growing his hair out which is what most boys his age seem to be doing. He has had a number of positive comments on how nice it looks longer and curlier, particulary from our friends who happen to be white. When my wife and I see it, while we like it, we don't think it looks as nice as when it is cut tight to his head, a look that is decidedly more in keeping with his African American cultural heritage. My wife says I use a microscope to look at these issues. She is probably right. I just think that he looks his best when he has a nice tight cut. I think when it grows out it looks less ethnic. I then wonder if the positive comments are because he looks less ethnic. Either way, he is adorable.

Your my favorite gangsta

Do you remember Rudy Huxtable from the The Cosby Show?  She was the adorable youngest daughter of Dr. Heathcliff Huxatable.  A couple of years into the show, the character of Kenny was introduced who Rudy called, “Bud.”  He was a young charismatic blues loving friend of Rudy who had learned a lot about life from his older chauvinistic brother.

I think my daughter Antonia has met a “Bud” in her Kindergarten class.  It was after the Valentines Party at school when “Bud” came up to Antonia and I and said, “Antonia, you’re my favorite gangsta, I’m gonna marry you.”  Upon hearing that, I did a Cliff Huxtable double take, head cocked - eyes wide.  I wasn’t quite sure what to think.  Antonia is very strong willed and proud so I wasn’t too concerned about the chauvinism. However, in the five years that Jacob was at Marble, I can’t remember ever hearing African American vernacular language used.  I was intrigued.  While it is important that my children speak properly, I think it is also important that they are able to communicate with their friends, especially black friends.  Recall how Carlton Banks, the stuffy son of Philip Banks, from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air had difficulty pledging to a Black Fraternity because he wasn’t “black” enough?  While I may have visions of Harvard or USC in mind, I want my children to be perfectly comfortable going to Howard or Morehouse.

Antonia’s experience at Marble so far is very different from her brother’s.  I’m not sure what dynamics are at play.  I believe the demographics are similar, though on appearance it seems that the school is more diverse.  While the school’s faculty continues to be all white, it now has a wonderful African American Principal.  I believe she is one of two black administrators in the East Lansing District.  My daughter adores her.  Just a couple of days ago we are at a school skating party, and Antonia was so proud to be skating with her.  We are fortunate to have such a positive role model in our lives.  It could also be that Antonia is a girl?  While she has many friends in Kindergarten, a number of them white, she has established strong ties to every black student in her class. Jacob on the other hand had stronger ties to white friends when he was in Kindergarten.

Yesterday, Antonia was in our bedroom singing, “Antonia bolognia, hit her boyfriend with boloney, and went to jail.  That is my fairy tale.”  I found the song to be much different from the ones she has been learning in school.  Lately, most have had to do with not dipping someone else’s bucket.  I asked her where she learned the song. It didn’t really come as a surprise when she told me that “Bud” had taught it to her.  With calm I carefully explained to Antonia that ending up in jail isn’t generally a happy ending to a fairy tale and that while boloney may be soft, we shouldn’t hit people with anything.  She understood, but continued to sing the song as she skipped down the stairs to go play.

While my daughter is immersed in Kindergarten Ebonics, my son is in a very different place.  Last Saturday, he was at a birthday party of one of his white friends.  It was a large party with boys and girls of a variety of ethnicities.  The party reflected the highly diverse student body which makes up Jacob’s new school, Glencairn Elementary.  It is gratifying to see that as East Lansing students are funneled from many lower elementary schools to fewer upper elementary and eventually to one middle and one high school that student body diversity becomes significant.  The party was at our community center and started in the gym where kids played basketball, kickball and dodgeball.  A game of basketball was picking up at one end of the gym.  One team is made up of the birthday boy and a couple of friends, all white.  The other team is made up a some of the guests who are black.  Jacob is in a quandary, “which team should he join.”  As he thinks this through, Johnny who is on the black team says, “Jacob you are on the black team,” as if to say what other team would he be on.  Jacob said, “o.k.” and they started to play.  I got a sense of pride from Jacob as he shared this story with us.  While he considers himself black and is proud of his African American heritage, most of his friends are white.  While he would have been comfortable on either team, I think he liked belonging to the black team. In one regard he could have been on either team because Jacob’s birthmother is white and his birthfather is black.  Though, I don’t see anyone referring to  Barack Obama as our white President.  While intellectually this makes genetic sense, in society both Mr. Obama and Jacob are seen as black.  I agree that Jacob could have been on either team, but not because of his white ancestry, but because they were all his friends.  

I am thankful that our children are afforded opportunities to express and embrace their blackness in East Lansing Schools.  Early on we were concerned for Antonia’s and Jacob’s development because our neighborhood is mostly white, their preschool was mostly white and initially it seemed that Jacob’s elementary experience was mostly white.  Now, if only I can get the East Lansing Black Parent Union which is dedicated to improving the black student experience to let me and my wife join.  Perhaps I can persuade them to change the name.