Is longer hair less threatening, or am I tilting at windmills?

My son hasn't been to our local barber, Barber Love - an African and Latin American Barber - for over two months. He is growing his hair out which is what most boys his age seem to be doing. He has had a number of positive comments on how nice it looks longer and curlier, particulary from our friends who happen to be white. When my wife and I see it, while we like it, we don't think it looks as nice as when it is cut tight to his head, a look that is decidedly more in keeping with his African American cultural heritage. My wife says I use a microscope to look at these issues. She is probably right. I just think that he looks his best when he has a nice tight cut. I think when it grows out it looks less ethnic. I then wonder if the positive comments are because he looks less ethnic. Either way, he is adorable.

Your my favorite gangsta

Do you remember Rudy Huxtable from the The Cosby Show?  She was the adorable youngest daughter of Dr. Heathcliff Huxatable.  A couple of years into the show, the character of Kenny was introduced who Rudy called, “Bud.”  He was a young charismatic blues loving friend of Rudy who had learned a lot about life from his older chauvinistic brother.

I think my daughter Antonia has met a “Bud” in her Kindergarten class.  It was after the Valentines Party at school when “Bud” came up to Antonia and I and said, “Antonia, you’re my favorite gangsta, I’m gonna marry you.”  Upon hearing that, I did a Cliff Huxtable double take, head cocked - eyes wide.  I wasn’t quite sure what to think.  Antonia is very strong willed and proud so I wasn’t too concerned about the chauvinism. However, in the five years that Jacob was at Marble, I can’t remember ever hearing African American vernacular language used.  I was intrigued.  While it is important that my children speak properly, I think it is also important that they are able to communicate with their friends, especially black friends.  Recall how Carlton Banks, the stuffy son of Philip Banks, from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air had difficulty pledging to a Black Fraternity because he wasn’t “black” enough?  While I may have visions of Harvard or USC in mind, I want my children to be perfectly comfortable going to Howard or Morehouse.

Antonia’s experience at Marble so far is very different from her brother’s.  I’m not sure what dynamics are at play.  I believe the demographics are similar, though on appearance it seems that the school is more diverse.  While the school’s faculty continues to be all white, it now has a wonderful African American Principal.  I believe she is one of two black administrators in the East Lansing District.  My daughter adores her.  Just a couple of days ago we are at a school skating party, and Antonia was so proud to be skating with her.  We are fortunate to have such a positive role model in our lives.  It could also be that Antonia is a girl?  While she has many friends in Kindergarten, a number of them white, she has established strong ties to every black student in her class. Jacob on the other hand had stronger ties to white friends when he was in Kindergarten.

Yesterday, Antonia was in our bedroom singing, “Antonia bolognia, hit her boyfriend with boloney, and went to jail.  That is my fairy tale.”  I found the song to be much different from the ones she has been learning in school.  Lately, most have had to do with not dipping someone else’s bucket.  I asked her where she learned the song. It didn’t really come as a surprise when she told me that “Bud” had taught it to her.  With calm I carefully explained to Antonia that ending up in jail isn’t generally a happy ending to a fairy tale and that while boloney may be soft, we shouldn’t hit people with anything.  She understood, but continued to sing the song as she skipped down the stairs to go play.

While my daughter is immersed in Kindergarten Ebonics, my son is in a very different place.  Last Saturday, he was at a birthday party of one of his white friends.  It was a large party with boys and girls of a variety of ethnicities.  The party reflected the highly diverse student body which makes up Jacob’s new school, Glencairn Elementary.  It is gratifying to see that as East Lansing students are funneled from many lower elementary schools to fewer upper elementary and eventually to one middle and one high school that student body diversity becomes significant.  The party was at our community center and started in the gym where kids played basketball, kickball and dodgeball.  A game of basketball was picking up at one end of the gym.  One team is made up of the birthday boy and a couple of friends, all white.  The other team is made up a some of the guests who are black.  Jacob is in a quandary, “which team should he join.”  As he thinks this through, Johnny who is on the black team says, “Jacob you are on the black team,” as if to say what other team would he be on.  Jacob said, “o.k.” and they started to play.  I got a sense of pride from Jacob as he shared this story with us.  While he considers himself black and is proud of his African American heritage, most of his friends are white.  While he would have been comfortable on either team, I think he liked belonging to the black team. In one regard he could have been on either team because Jacob’s birthmother is white and his birthfather is black.  Though, I don’t see anyone referring to  Barack Obama as our white President.  While intellectually this makes genetic sense, in society both Mr. Obama and Jacob are seen as black.  I agree that Jacob could have been on either team, but not because of his white ancestry, but because they were all his friends.  

I am thankful that our children are afforded opportunities to express and embrace their blackness in East Lansing Schools.  Early on we were concerned for Antonia’s and Jacob’s development because our neighborhood is mostly white, their preschool was mostly white and initially it seemed that Jacob’s elementary experience was mostly white.  Now, if only I can get the East Lansing Black Parent Union which is dedicated to improving the black student experience to let me and my wife join.  Perhaps I can persuade them to change the name.