Why does my daughter look like Roseanne Roseannadanna?

I knew something was askew when I saw my daughter Antonia's silhouette through the school bus window as she headed to the exit. Immediately Gilda Radner's beloved Saturday Night Live character, Roseanne Roseannadanna came to mind. Her beautiful long black curls painstakinlgy dressed by her mother after last night's bath appeared to have been zapped by an electric current. Six inch strands of her hair were sticking directly out from the top of her head. The hair was perpendicular to her adorable toothless smiling face as she bounced down the bus steps.



Now, I saw Chris Rock's movie, Good Hair. I've been a father of African American children for more than ten years. I know not to let me daughter out in public looking like she did when she got of the bus. That was not how she looked when I dropped her off at school seven hours earlier.  As she stepped on to the curb she ran to me with open arms and jumped up for me to catch her. I held her in my arms and hesitated to ask her what happened. Before I could fumble for words, she said, “Dad do you like my hair, Finnie straightened it with a fork?”


At that moment I thought, “I've been her before.” Approximately five years earlier I was called to the Marble Elementary Office to be told that my then first grade son had been inappropriately using scissors. I knew he knew how to hold scissors while walking with the point securely clasped in his hand. I wondered, "could have possibly carved his initials in his desk?"  When I got to school I asked Jacob what had happened. He explained that he wanted straight hair like his father and his friends so he cut off his curls. If ever there was an opportunity for a teachable moment, this was it.

I put my anger in check as I asked our Principal if his teacher had asked Jacob why he cut his hair? Not that his reason would condone his action, but that perhaps he should be talking with the school's social worker rather than sitting in the office by himself as punishment. She had not.  I also explained to Jacob that he had beautiful hair and that his hair was just the right hair for him. This was not the first time. We regularly talk with Jacob and Antonia about how their skin, hair and eyes are radiantly beautiful.


This had occurred before we started going to Barber Love, a predominantly African American barbershop. We had be letting his hair grow out before we would get it trimmed by a female hair stylist. At Barber Love, we started getting his hair cut much shorter. The nice tight cut had Jacob looking sharp. The neat thing now, is that as a fifth grader, Jacob on his own decided to grow his curls again. He now has beautiful rings bouncing below his baseball cap. He reports that the girls in his class seem to like it which I can tell is alright with him.


As Antonia and I walk home, knowing the answer, I asked her if she wanted straighten hair like Finnie. To which she says, “yes.” We discuss how absolutely beautiful her hair is and how she cannot let anyone do that to her hair again. She says, “o.k. Dad” and we move on to talking about her latest art project. My feelings are not nearly as concrete with this hair event as they were with Jacob's. I didn't grow up with sisters, but the idea that girls just like to play with each others hair seems natural. I didn't ask and I should off, “did you try to curl Finnie's hair?” I bet the answer would have been yes. However, the messages of Chris Rock's movie also reverberate. That sodium hydroxide used to relax curls can leave permanent injury to the scalp and once hooked on straight hair, women can spend thousands of dollars to keep it that way. Two good reasons for my daughter to love her naturally beautiful hair.


When Jacob gets home he asks his sister what happened to her hair? As she tells him, he looks at me and we both start to laugh.

Kevin Hofmann's Upcoming Memoir and Rhonda Roorda's first book

One of our readers suggested I look at Kevin Hofmann's site which discusses his soon to be published memoir about growing up as an adopted African American in an all white family in Detroit after the riots. It will be published in May. I am working on a book signing/speaking engagement for the greater East Lansing area. Take a look at his blog it is a very worthwhile site. Kevin is a gifted writer.  Also, let me know if you would be interested in attending the book signing/speaking engagement.

Covering a similar time period - 70's and 80's - as Kevin Hofmann's memoir, is Rhonda Roorda's book of profiles of adopted African American children growing up in primarily white households - In Their Own Voices. I recommend reading this book. I read it when we first adopted our son and it has helped my wife and I strive to raise our children to be a strong, kind and confident African American man and woman who are comfortable with their blackness. 

Hi recommend reading Voices especially early in the adoption process. However, I find many differences with the varied stories with my own situation.  For example, closed adoption versus open adoption, white siblings or biological siblings versus black siblings or adopted siblings and level of information available to parents like us now compared to growing up in the 70's or 80's. But I'm sure that is the case with everything - we all have unique situations.  Despite this differences there is much to glean from Rhonda's well researched initial offering.  She has since wrote two additional books - In Their Siblings Voices and In Their Parents Voices which I have yet to read.

Please keep sharing sites and resources that you find and I will continue to share them through the this Blog and its Facebook Page. This is exactly what I hope both to become - conduits for sharing useful information.