A Chocolate Dog Tale:  A memoir of infertility, adoption, rivers and a bread loving dog

By Erich P. Ditschman

A Chocolate Dog Tale is a story about life happening in the face of adversity and how laughter is a curative tonic for when life kicks you in the butt.  As high school sweethearts, Andria and I get married after college and plan to have a baby between Andria’s first and second year of law school.  The plan fails miserably and is a harbinger of a ten year struggle with infertility and failed adoptions.  But, while our world seems like a protracted battle, Andria’s grandpa introduces us to a Chocolate Labrador Retriever puppy we name Amos, who rescues us from the desperation of infertility.  In addition to finding our life filled with the antics of our bread loving dog, the memoir follows Andria and I as we undertake adventures including backpacking, boating, skiing and canoeing that never go as planned as we endeavor to live a meaningful life in the face of losing control.  We discover the possibility of adoption which brings us face to face with difficult choices and introspection regarding the midwest working class bigotry embedded in our families and questions our ability to raise a child of color.  It chronicles our pursuit of an open adoption plan, wrought with detours and pain, as we expose ourselves to birthmothers in an effort to be chosen to adopt their baby.  The memoir is rooted in the places that we live, their history and their natural features.  Rivers play a grounding role in providing a backdrop to where everyday life happens as we struggle to become parents. 

“A young Gen X couple falls in love in high school, gets married after college then finds their well planned life crashing on the shoals of a sea of obstacles as they try to achieve  parenthood.  With the urging of Andria’s Grandpa, she and Erich adopt a Chocolate Labrador Retriever puppy to try to bring joy back into our lives.   A Chocolate Dog Tale, Ditschman’s first memoir, takes the reader on adventures never far from the rivers he loves.  In part, Tale is an ode to Michigan’s rivers, the history that forms around them and and the connectedness to place that they provide.  But Tale never departs far from the star of this story, Amos, the lovable Chocolate Labrador Retriever who’s passion for lakes and bread often keep Andria and Erich’s minds off their pain and filled with thoughts of how to retrieve their wayward bread loving Retriever.  Ditschman brings humor and honesty to the telling of the incredible relationship that can quite unexpectedly form between pets and their humans.  Follow Erich and Andria as they quietly address the frustrations of infertility and adoption while inadvertently expanding their family along the way.  With a cast of characters that are easy to recognize in our own families, Tale will make you laugh out loud, bite your nails in suspense and struggle to hold back tears as you follow the three through their life together.” #achocolatedogtale

Who decides who is black?

We watched this yesterday with our eight year old daughter and thirteen year old son.  My son watched with interest.  My daughter danced around the living room to the annoyance of my son.  I recommend watching it with or without accompanying dancers.  Soledad and the young men and women who appear on the show do an outstanding job of addressing a pertinent subject in our household and our community.  

East Lansing Gospel Choir's first concert

I guess we did something right

This is what happens when Jake gets a hold of my computer. One minute I'm listening to Havana Day Dream'n by Jimmy Buffett on Pandora then the next time I'm listening to a song about the dolla' billz and haters by Akon. I guess we did something right.

A Delightful Surprise at our Neighborhood Playground

My son was the child of color in the neighborhood until we adopted his sister. When it was time for my son to go to kindergarten the school board changed the school configuration. Our neighborhood school became a 5-6 grade school. My son was then bused to a k-4 grade school two miles away. Interestingly, our school board will be voting tonight on whether or not to make our neighborhood school a k -5 grade school.

While we were greatly disappointed that we were unable to walk our son to school and o have him educated around the corner from our house, the transition allowed him to meet children of color. A number of his best friends today are African-American boys that would not have gone to our neighborhood school. I do not believe in a color blind society. While people of good will try to see the person within, they can't help but notice the traits of the outside. This isn't a bad thing, since I think we should embrace our individuality both inside and out. The white boys in our neighborhood for some reason didn't bond with my son who is extremely good natured. Even after playing on the same sports teams for years the bonds did not solidify as I thought they would. This didn't deter my son, he now has a number of friends crossing the economic and ethnic landscape, but the majority of his close friends are friends of color. This, despite his once lilly white neighborhood.

In 2012 our neighborhood is incredibly different than it was ten years ago. We now have a native Korean family living in a house behind us. Next to their house is a family of Palestinian Americans. And, a block away a family moved in who have also adopted children both of color and not (and currently have nine school age children). In addition, a number of additional families have moved in with young children. The neighborhood is now much more diverse and filled with young people. My daughter has a number of girlfriends of a variety of ethnic backgrounds close to home. What a difference ten years have made.

Last week my son and his friend and my daughter went over to the Glencairn neighborhood playground to play. My wife and I walked over with our pooch a little afterwards. When we got there I was amazed to see the playground alive with children of color. The once little used playground had a four on four football game going while a number of other children played on the equipment. Another thing that struck me was that of the ten children I saw playing, nine were adopted by three families and, all the children have at least one white parent.

Have African American Role Models in your Family's Life

I love this video. It is the legendary John Lewis' message to one of my best friend's Grandmother. When I watch it it re-emphasizes the pride I have in knowing both Kevin and Ms. Stanley. I post it because it also is a powerful reminder, on many levels, of the importance of having people of a variety of ethnicities in your life as you raise your children to be strong, confident and proud African Americans. But, most importantly your black child needs to see black role models in their lives as they grow up.

This can sometimes be difficult for white parents who were raised in white neighborhoods - which we were. We have had the blessing of having a Nigerian pediatrician for both of our children. We also have black principals at both our elementary school and middle school. It wasn't until middle school that my children came in contact with a black teacher. When my son was in fourth grade I brought The Weary Blues by Langston Hughes to read during Black History Month. Our principal joined me and explained a little about her challenging life growing up in Detroit before reading

Mother to Son -

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor--
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now--
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

Langston Hughes, 1926

All young eyes were riveted, but especially so for the few African American children in Jacob's class. After a successful career in the military our principal is now finishing her Ph.D. in education. We are blessed to have her.

Additionally, I bring my son to an African American barbershop in nearby Lansing, Barber Love's, which is very similar to the one portrayed in Ice Cube's Barbershop.

But most importantly, I cherish time that we vacation with Kevin and his family.