OFFICIAL Somewhere over the Rainbow - Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole

And Justice for All at Henry Ford Museum

I accompanied my son Jacob to Greenfield Village and The Henry Ford Museum yesterday with his 5th grade classmates.  The following are photos the Jacob mostly took of the And Justice for All exhibit at the Henry Ford Museum.

Jacob and a friend watch a tribute to Jackie Robinson, #42 narrated by Ernie Harwell and featuring my favorite Tiger - Gates "The Gator" Brown. The boys sat and watched the entire program which is not normal for ten year old boys on a field trip. Considering Ernie just past away, this was a very moving moment for us at the Henry Ford Museum.

Jacob sitting in the exact seat that Rosa Parks sat in.

It is always difficult and moving when I visit exhibits such as this one with my Jacob and Antonia. I remember when we viewed a life sized sculpture of a family of slaves being seperated at the Abraham Lincoln Museum in Springfield and Jacob just started to cry uncontrollably. I feel strongly that these hard lessons while difficult for all of us, help develop Jacob's and Antonia's character and a shared understanding of their and our heritage.

Hair products that a dear friend who celebrates National Afro Day everyday swears by

A deafriend responded to my Rosannadanna post.  She told me that everday is National Afro Day for her and that is took a long time for her to embrace and love her curls.  She encouraged me to continue to teach Antonia that her curls are a wonderful part of who she is.  She also shared a couple of product lines with me.

The Kinky-Curly line of hair products, which has kid products as well (available online and at many Whole Foods stores) as well as "Pur Hair Jelly" by Afroveda - which is my "holy grail" of hair products."

Why does my daughter look like Roseanne Roseannadanna?

I knew something was askew when I saw my daughter Antonia's silhouette through the school bus window as she headed to the exit. Immediately Gilda Radner's beloved Saturday Night Live character, Roseanne Roseannadanna came to mind. Her beautiful long black curls painstakinlgy dressed by her mother after last night's bath appeared to have been zapped by an electric current. Six inch strands of her hair were sticking directly out from the top of her head. The hair was perpendicular to her adorable toothless smiling face as she bounced down the bus steps.



Now, I saw Chris Rock's movie, Good Hair. I've been a father of African American children for more than ten years. I know not to let me daughter out in public looking like she did when she got of the bus. That was not how she looked when I dropped her off at school seven hours earlier.  As she stepped on to the curb she ran to me with open arms and jumped up for me to catch her. I held her in my arms and hesitated to ask her what happened. Before I could fumble for words, she said, “Dad do you like my hair, Finnie straightened it with a fork?”


At that moment I thought, “I've been her before.” Approximately five years earlier I was called to the Marble Elementary Office to be told that my then first grade son had been inappropriately using scissors. I knew he knew how to hold scissors while walking with the point securely clasped in his hand. I wondered, "could have possibly carved his initials in his desk?"  When I got to school I asked Jacob what had happened. He explained that he wanted straight hair like his father and his friends so he cut off his curls. If ever there was an opportunity for a teachable moment, this was it.

I put my anger in check as I asked our Principal if his teacher had asked Jacob why he cut his hair? Not that his reason would condone his action, but that perhaps he should be talking with the school's social worker rather than sitting in the office by himself as punishment. She had not.  I also explained to Jacob that he had beautiful hair and that his hair was just the right hair for him. This was not the first time. We regularly talk with Jacob and Antonia about how their skin, hair and eyes are radiantly beautiful.


This had occurred before we started going to Barber Love, a predominantly African American barbershop. We had be letting his hair grow out before we would get it trimmed by a female hair stylist. At Barber Love, we started getting his hair cut much shorter. The nice tight cut had Jacob looking sharp. The neat thing now, is that as a fifth grader, Jacob on his own decided to grow his curls again. He now has beautiful rings bouncing below his baseball cap. He reports that the girls in his class seem to like it which I can tell is alright with him.


As Antonia and I walk home, knowing the answer, I asked her if she wanted straighten hair like Finnie. To which she says, “yes.” We discuss how absolutely beautiful her hair is and how she cannot let anyone do that to her hair again. She says, “o.k. Dad” and we move on to talking about her latest art project. My feelings are not nearly as concrete with this hair event as they were with Jacob's. I didn't grow up with sisters, but the idea that girls just like to play with each others hair seems natural. I didn't ask and I should off, “did you try to curl Finnie's hair?” I bet the answer would have been yes. However, the messages of Chris Rock's movie also reverberate. That sodium hydroxide used to relax curls can leave permanent injury to the scalp and once hooked on straight hair, women can spend thousands of dollars to keep it that way. Two good reasons for my daughter to love her naturally beautiful hair.


When Jacob gets home he asks his sister what happened to her hair? As she tells him, he looks at me and we both start to laugh.

Kevin Hofmann's Upcoming Memoir and Rhonda Roorda's first book

One of our readers suggested I look at Kevin Hofmann's site which discusses his soon to be published memoir about growing up as an adopted African American in an all white family in Detroit after the riots. It will be published in May. I am working on a book signing/speaking engagement for the greater East Lansing area. Take a look at his blog it is a very worthwhile site. Kevin is a gifted writer.  Also, let me know if you would be interested in attending the book signing/speaking engagement.

Covering a similar time period - 70's and 80's - as Kevin Hofmann's memoir, is Rhonda Roorda's book of profiles of adopted African American children growing up in primarily white households - In Their Own Voices. I recommend reading this book. I read it when we first adopted our son and it has helped my wife and I strive to raise our children to be a strong, kind and confident African American man and woman who are comfortable with their blackness. 

Hi recommend reading Voices especially early in the adoption process. However, I find many differences with the varied stories with my own situation.  For example, closed adoption versus open adoption, white siblings or biological siblings versus black siblings or adopted siblings and level of information available to parents like us now compared to growing up in the 70's or 80's. But I'm sure that is the case with everything - we all have unique situations.  Despite this differences there is much to glean from Rhonda's well researched initial offering.  She has since wrote two additional books - In Their Siblings Voices and In Their Parents Voices which I have yet to read.

Please keep sharing sites and resources that you find and I will continue to share them through the this Blog and its Facebook Page. This is exactly what I hope both to become - conduits for sharing useful information.

Is longer hair less threatening, or am I tilting at windmills?

My son hasn't been to our local barber, Barber Love - an African and Latin American Barber - for over two months. He is growing his hair out which is what most boys his age seem to be doing. He has had a number of positive comments on how nice it looks longer and curlier, particulary from our friends who happen to be white. When my wife and I see it, while we like it, we don't think it looks as nice as when it is cut tight to his head, a look that is decidedly more in keeping with his African American cultural heritage. My wife says I use a microscope to look at these issues. She is probably right. I just think that he looks his best when he has a nice tight cut. I think when it grows out it looks less ethnic. I then wonder if the positive comments are because he looks less ethnic. Either way, he is adorable.

Your my favorite gangsta

Do you remember Rudy Huxtable from the The Cosby Show?  She was the adorable youngest daughter of Dr. Heathcliff Huxatable.  A couple of years into the show, the character of Kenny was introduced who Rudy called, “Bud.”  He was a young charismatic blues loving friend of Rudy who had learned a lot about life from his older chauvinistic brother.

I think my daughter Antonia has met a “Bud” in her Kindergarten class.  It was after the Valentines Party at school when “Bud” came up to Antonia and I and said, “Antonia, you’re my favorite gangsta, I’m gonna marry you.”  Upon hearing that, I did a Cliff Huxtable double take, head cocked - eyes wide.  I wasn’t quite sure what to think.  Antonia is very strong willed and proud so I wasn’t too concerned about the chauvinism. However, in the five years that Jacob was at Marble, I can’t remember ever hearing African American vernacular language used.  I was intrigued.  While it is important that my children speak properly, I think it is also important that they are able to communicate with their friends, especially black friends.  Recall how Carlton Banks, the stuffy son of Philip Banks, from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air had difficulty pledging to a Black Fraternity because he wasn’t “black” enough?  While I may have visions of Harvard or USC in mind, I want my children to be perfectly comfortable going to Howard or Morehouse.

Antonia’s experience at Marble so far is very different from her brother’s.  I’m not sure what dynamics are at play.  I believe the demographics are similar, though on appearance it seems that the school is more diverse.  While the school’s faculty continues to be all white, it now has a wonderful African American Principal.  I believe she is one of two black administrators in the East Lansing District.  My daughter adores her.  Just a couple of days ago we are at a school skating party, and Antonia was so proud to be skating with her.  We are fortunate to have such a positive role model in our lives.  It could also be that Antonia is a girl?  While she has many friends in Kindergarten, a number of them white, she has established strong ties to every black student in her class. Jacob on the other hand had stronger ties to white friends when he was in Kindergarten.

Yesterday, Antonia was in our bedroom singing, “Antonia bolognia, hit her boyfriend with boloney, and went to jail.  That is my fairy tale.”  I found the song to be much different from the ones she has been learning in school.  Lately, most have had to do with not dipping someone else’s bucket.  I asked her where she learned the song. It didn’t really come as a surprise when she told me that “Bud” had taught it to her.  With calm I carefully explained to Antonia that ending up in jail isn’t generally a happy ending to a fairy tale and that while boloney may be soft, we shouldn’t hit people with anything.  She understood, but continued to sing the song as she skipped down the stairs to go play.

While my daughter is immersed in Kindergarten Ebonics, my son is in a very different place.  Last Saturday, he was at a birthday party of one of his white friends.  It was a large party with boys and girls of a variety of ethnicities.  The party reflected the highly diverse student body which makes up Jacob’s new school, Glencairn Elementary.  It is gratifying to see that as East Lansing students are funneled from many lower elementary schools to fewer upper elementary and eventually to one middle and one high school that student body diversity becomes significant.  The party was at our community center and started in the gym where kids played basketball, kickball and dodgeball.  A game of basketball was picking up at one end of the gym.  One team is made up of the birthday boy and a couple of friends, all white.  The other team is made up a some of the guests who are black.  Jacob is in a quandary, “which team should he join.”  As he thinks this through, Johnny who is on the black team says, “Jacob you are on the black team,” as if to say what other team would he be on.  Jacob said, “o.k.” and they started to play.  I got a sense of pride from Jacob as he shared this story with us.  While he considers himself black and is proud of his African American heritage, most of his friends are white.  While he would have been comfortable on either team, I think he liked belonging to the black team. In one regard he could have been on either team because Jacob’s birthmother is white and his birthfather is black.  Though, I don’t see anyone referring to  Barack Obama as our white President.  While intellectually this makes genetic sense, in society both Mr. Obama and Jacob are seen as black.  I agree that Jacob could have been on either team, but not because of his white ancestry, but because they were all his friends.  

I am thankful that our children are afforded opportunities to express and embrace their blackness in East Lansing Schools.  Early on we were concerned for Antonia’s and Jacob’s development because our neighborhood is mostly white, their preschool was mostly white and initially it seemed that Jacob’s elementary experience was mostly white.  Now, if only I can get the East Lansing Black Parent Union which is dedicated to improving the black student experience to let me and my wife join.  Perhaps I can persuade them to change the name.